Desiderium: an ardent desire or longing;
especially: a feeling of loss or grief for something lost - Webster's Dictionary
I’m sitting on the porch of a quaint cabin, looking out at craggy trunks of trees with tops reaching further up than I can see from my current vantagepoint. Rusted leaves are strewn on the ground and green grass grows in patches, sharing equal space with trails of dirt that form inadvertent walking paths. The sun is going down. The temperature is too. I’m cold, but I won’t move from this spot. It’s all so perfect right now it makes my heart ache. I want to force this moment to remain. But the harder I try, the quicker it escapes. Sometimes, beauty washes over me like grief.
My heart wants more than it can possibly hold. I am woefully greedy. Even in the best moments, I remain slightly unsatisfied. I’m sure I sound embarrassingly entitled and ungrateful. But it’s the truth.
I believe our souls long for a beauty that, in this life, we can only glimpse, but not gaze upon. Sometimes the longing is temporarily satiated by nature, relationships, art, music, special occasions, food or sex. Those are amazing gifts not to be squandered. But even if we enjoy all that God offers in this world, we still yearn for permanent, sacred wonder. I’ve believe it’s our innate desire for heaven.
We want things to be perfect. To be fair. To be made right. We long to be in a place where we live in lasting fullness and beauty; where all striving will cease. We will see our Creator face to face and we will once and for all find rest for our weary souls. But we are not quite there.
With the holidays arriving soon, you might find yourself wishing for more– even when what you’ve got is amazing. Laughter with friends, warm meals with relatives, joyful music, breathtaking décor, and sacred celebrations may even exacerbate a restless desire for more. Don’t be afraid to feel it. Your soul is being prepared for what your eyes cannot yet see. Let the marvelous aspects of the next two months be small reminders that one day wholeness will come, beauty will stay, and all you long for will be satisfied.